"The last time I took E must be 3 yrs ago, before that, I'd been taking it occasionally, usually just 1 -2 pills a time. but this particular time, me and my ex-boyfriend truly went overboard. I didn't know why he did it, but it was just a sudden splurge I guess. We were at this remote island, with no fresh water supply and nothing around us. The only thing to amuse us for the night was E and the music we brought along, which was Orbital by the way. We had 3 pills each.. we had the first one for about 10 minutes and just started to feel good, we hugged on the bed and thought the world was gonna be so good for us, I felt like the happiest gal on earth and I just wouldn't give anything up for that moment. Then he thought we should push another 2 pills, I thought it was a bad idea but did it anyways.

Then I realized we had no fresh water and had to use salt water from the sea to wash down the pills and that felt awful, from then on, our stomach started hurting and felt so sour. All of a sudden, the good feeling evaporated and everything went downhill. We started to do our own thing, more like shivering and almost foaming. I was hallucinating, pounding in the heart, almost too fast to handle, and talking to things I thought I saw. I tried to sleep but there was no way it let me, I was so angry then scared and just wanted it all to end... but it wouldn't... till dawn.. till ou boat came to pick us up... it was almost 10 am then...

I felt like some rescuers came to us... we were riding on the speed boat to mainland.. for 15 minutes.. and we were exhausted and even nearly blacked out... as I stood up from the boat i felt my soul dropped to the ground, but I managed to conquer the weakness... still.. that was a bad trip. I had sores all over my mouth and my jaw was swollen badly from the grinding/ I looked into the mirror and saw how ugly I was,.. I totally regret it.. yet it's still the most unforgettable Xtacy experience I've had. Because of that, I could never forget my ex... we broke up, but it was the drugs, the experience which made me rememeber him from time to time,,, though I don't love him anymore.

All I can say is...drugs changed me in a way... it made me feel different,,, like nobody could understand me but it, and the people who took it. It isolated me from the real world.. and I was contented, it's a big lie, but I wanted to live a lie... I might take it again.. but I honestly don't know what it had already done to my life now. Mentally... it created some obstacles for me to move on. I guess,just be aware of what you're taking and know your limits. Take care."

faraway...

19th June 2000