"First of all, if you read any of this, read the last paragraph. 4.4 grade point average, great athlete who can play multiple sports well, a little lanky but good looking to a fair amount of women, lots of friends, and will be attending Berkeley in the fall. Sounds like a great life. Let me tell you my take on the whole drug thing. Perhaps this is just another classic story. Well, it is and I'd like to share just because I believe learning from other people's experiences is maybe the most important thing an individual can do in life.

The problem all started with marijuana. I decided to try it mainly because I knew my brother had done it in high school, and he's a smart practical guy who still enjoys an occasional hit. Well it took about a year of smoking it on and off, a few times a month with breaks lasting up to a month or so, when i started abusing it. I started smoking on weekdays, and a couple times a day even, when it was around. When it wasn't around i didn't do it. Then i met a lot of people who were around it so i could get it all the time and I became what some call a 'pothead,' for sure, still am for that matter. And emotional breakup with a girlfriend right before I started my senior year make it even worse. I smoked before school about 4 out of every 5 days on average for the whole year. And sometimes ditched and got high whenever I could after school, even before soccer games. Before every league game but the first one as a matter of fact, but not for the playoffs. I didn't get completely loaded but i took a few hits or even one. Everything they tell you in health class can come true, it happened to me. They tell you it's the gateway drug, it's true.

After I became a burnout, I decided to try ecstacy and that was great, but i'm staying away from it because I read somewhere that it makes you susceptible to depression the first time you use it. Now some would say well you did it once, and now you can't change your susceptibility; why not do it some more? And I did a couple times just because my friends were doing it and I was in a really depressed state because I was coming off a week of coke. The week of graduation, I quit smoking weed and did coke instead. This is in addition to already being way depressed because of my burnout and the way friends and acquaintences acted toward me. I was in bad shape and the thing is I know the right path, but I'm just not taking it.

Sniffing cocaine started because my friend had done it a few times and he has really strong mind and will power (so far, but he knows what it can do to you as well). I thought I could have the same will power and strong mind just like I did with weed. I failed with weed for a long time now. I still think I can but when am I gonna prove it to myself? That day still awaits me and hopefully it comes sooner rather than later. Amazingly enough my realization came out into words when I was high on cocaine. Now some people say it puts you in a different reality, I agree. Things ARE thought about much clearer when your high on it. That's exactly why it's so dangerous. I hadn't thought with that much clarity since the early days of my smoking marijuana. Soon and I mean real soon, I began using it to feel good enough about myself to go out and hang out with my friends, doing it by myself. The
first time i even tried it was a little over a month ago. When you start doing things by yourself then you will do it anytime usually by yourself and that is when addiction comes. I feel the effects of withdrawals already and I haven't even done that much.

Ok, so if you skipped down to here, here is a summary of my advice to anyone who wants to listen. Drugs are made to be used, not abused. It is my opinion that marijuana can be used responsibly by anyone with a sound mind, but I abused it which led to other things. Any drug with a chemical dependency (cocaine is the only one I've had any experience with) is not good
to be dealt with at all because it creates a stronger psycological dependency as well. The two go together to create addiction and abuse. In my experience with sniffing cocaine, one good thing has come of it: I get to escape my problems for awhile, temporarily. Some of the problems occur because of the cocaine and my friends' attitudes towards it, so ultimately it
is my fault even though I share the same attitude but wish to ignore it. Just ask yourself this: is a temporary solution to your problems worth risking a lifetime's worth of potential? Because every time you do it, you're wasting your potential to be better at everything you do for life.

And if you say you don't care about your life, then that's just an excuse because every single person wishes for a better life. It is hard to be around my closest friends now because they are always trying to look and see if I'm on it, and some of them who knew in the beginning told others who I didn't want to know, and continue to lie about who they told. So they talk behind my back and laugh at me every time my hand goes to itch my nose. It really is depressing especially when I really have a runny nose. I still continue to hang out with them although not as often because I dislike there way of handling themselves around me, but I know that I need to be around them because they will keep me from diving into it, I just have to let them do that. They can just help though, the real war is going on inside your head when you're trying to stop something and/or deal with problems in your life.

I'll leave you (finally) with this thought: If the situation ever arose, I would never let any of my close friends try cocaine for the first time. If they did I would leave the room and not talk to them for awhile. I would not fight them if they were going to do it anyways, but I would definitely let my opinion and full experience with it be known because i think it carries a lot of weight with them since I'm an intelligent individual, a little slower now but still just as smart when I get motivation to use my mind; and they will believe what I tell them, hopefully. And watching a friend about to snort up a line of coke for the first time or anytime after that would definitely motivate me to warn him or her of what it can do to your mind and body. I say this in the midst of withdrawing from it
for at least a week now and I still want it, after all that I've said about its dangers, I still want it. If you mess with fire, you will get burned."

Anon. 2 July 2000

 

 

Disclaimer This Guide is provided for informational purposes ONLY. RaveSafe, it's volunteers and its sponsors do not condone or advocate the use of illegal substances. RaveSafe accepts NO responsibility for the way the information in this used, nor for any harm that might occur from the use of the information contained in this document. Although a concerted effort has been made to ensure the validity of the information contained in this document, no guarantees or assurances of accuracy are provided by anyone. Read and act at your own risk.